Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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