His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
