fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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