Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
