I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
