Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
