There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
