Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
