I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
