"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
