i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
