All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
