Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
