Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
