My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I FOUND THE LEGS
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
