Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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