i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He shit in the fireplace
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