I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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