She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
