i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
