i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
