I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
