FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
