I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
