yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
