So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
