My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
