I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
