Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
