It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
