Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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