Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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