I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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