I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
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Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex