Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots