If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
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well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
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So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch