i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.