You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs