Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
