So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM