Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
