There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
