remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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