Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
