I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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