I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize