whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
