Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
