explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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