you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
