My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize