we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
