her vagine was all disorganized.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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