i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
