I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
