So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
