Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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