I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
