Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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