the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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