so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children