I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
