He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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