Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We are two peas in an std pod
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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