I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
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Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
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