and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My feet surprised me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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