your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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