Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
